Reason vs. Belief

All due credit and thanks to Saint Thomas Aquinas for the actual thinking. I offer this gift to me from a tiny corner of The Summa Theologica. My meager part here is no more than a vulgar and inadequate translation of a good English translation to a more vulgar English, in words even I can hope to more easily grasp. By this means, I hope to commit some small part of St. Thomas' wisdom to memory. There will be a test.

There are two parts to the truth about God. The first, within reach of a man's understanding and reason, and the second, beyond the reach of reason. So, it is appropriate that both means are given to man in order for him to believe at all. The first is required so that it does not seem useless for God to have given man His supernatural inspiration to believe.

If this truth was left solely as an intellectual exercise, three awkward consequences follow:

1) Few men would possess the knowledge of God at all. There are three reasons most men are not likely to ever discover the truth.

1. Some, if not most, are intellectually incapable of reaching the degree of intelligence or education that would eventually lead them to the knowledge of God through reason.
   
2. Others can not pursue this knowledge of truth due to the necessities of day to day life, even if they want to.
   
3. Others still, will not achieve this knowledge of truth because they are too lazy to do the work such a lofty goal would require.
   

All philosophy, whether or not its author admits, or knows it consciously, is directed toward the knowledge of God, regardless of the description used of its object. As a result of this, specifically seeking knowledge of God is the last part of philosophy to be learned or attempted. One will only arrive at this end point (God) at the expense of a great deal of laborious study, and probably only then, if willing to learn that this is the actual, if unacknowledged goal. There are very few men who are willing to do that much work to gain that understanding, even though the appetite for the knowledge is naturally there in man.

2) Even those who would eventually discover this truth would barely reach it, even after a great deal of time spent honestly in search of it. There are several reasons for this:

1. This truth is so profound that the human intellect is capable of grasping it by one's own inquiry only after long and arduous training.
   
2. Then, there is a huge amount of knowledge required even to approach, let alone to grasp the depth and meaning of the available sources.
   
3. Finally, in youth, a person is far more likely to be swayed by passion than intellect, and the youthful mind is unlikely to be in a suitable state to gain this kind of knowledge. One becomes wise in traquility and when one is at rest, which is hardly the normal state of a young person.
   

The result is that if the only way to know God were through reason, the human race would remain completely ignorant of God. Then, knowledge of God, which makes men perfect and good, would be possessed only by a few, and these few would require a lot of time to reach it.

3) Men are prone to falseness in reasoning, partly due to weak intellect regarding judgment, and partly to scattered thinking and mixed images and imaginings. The result is that many would remain ignorant of, or at least doubt the evidences and demonstrations they have already seen. This is particularly true, since the sources they are likely to find, even from those reputed to be wise, are often at odds with one another, and mingled with with something that is false, or worse, arrived at through the use of assertions not in evidence that, far from being demonstrated and proven true, are at best a merely probable argument without proof or demonstration. That is why absolute certitude and pure truth concerning God can only be arrived at by way of faith.

It's by God's mercy then, that we have been told to believe by faith, even truths that are possible to investigate and arrive at by reason. As a result, of God's mercy and wisdom that all manner of men, as described above, are easily able to share in the knowledge of God without uncertainty and error.

Ephesians 4: 17-24

So this I say, and affirm together with the Lord, that you walk no longer just as the Gentiles also walk, in the futility of their mind, being darkened in their understanding, excluded from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, because of the hardness of their heart; and they, having become callous, have given themselves over to sensuality for the practice of every kind of impurity with greediness. But you did not learn Christ in this way, if indeed you have heard Him and have been taught in Him, just as truth is in Jesus, that, in reference to your former manner of life, you lay aside the old self, which is being corrupted in accordance with the lusts of deceit, and that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and put on the new self, which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth.

However true the last statement before the scripture may be, or may have been when written in the 13th century, I think it terribly sad that the state of "denominational pseudo-religion" in modern times is so sadly, and so sadly often and variously, inanely in error and disagreement.

In the end, there IS only one Truth. It can only be the result of the imposition of faulty teaching, and the proneness of misinformed, and uninformed, or uneducated people to accept, unexamined, the errant and misleading doctrines devised by others who are only slightly better informed, (not to mention wrongheaded, greedy, power-mad, and vainly motivated) than they themselves, simply because these people manage to "sound about right." It's not only ignorant and lazy on the part of everyday believers, it plays into the hands of the enemy. We owe ourselves, and our Lord, a better effort.

To misquote Fox Mulder, "The truth is In here, I WANT to believe. " (But I refuse to believe just any idiot somebody I don't know, put in charge of a "church".)

These thoughts were given to me in my recent, prayerful investigations, as a loud reminder that even though I am willing to devote inordinate amounts of time and energy to my own study, and even if I do finally decide to undertake formal religious studies or a divinity degree, no matter how deeply I delve into theology, doctrine, and apologetics, in the end, my goal is simple. I am reminded that I am, after all, 54 years old, not twenty and unmarried without children and responsibility. My goal is only this; and I can only hope by grace and mercy, to know God, and to learn to serve and love Him well, for the remainder of my days. This loving reminder from my Lord is that this will come, not by my ability to harness my meager intellect, nor by time, reason, and education alone, but in the end, only fully, by faith. I have so far to go, even so.

God bless and keep you,

James

Welcome to our Church! We're so glad you came!

When a man walks into a church alone for the first time in years, after 5 weeks out on the big road, or a working mother takes the time to dress her 5 kids early Sunday morning to take them to Easter Services, how will it be for them? He goes because he misses worship, but he's just a trucker, not so good at talking to folks, and she's going all by herself to a church she never has time to go to on most any Sunday, because she works as a cocktail waitress until 2AM most nights, and this is the first church the kids have ever been to with Mom, because her husband won't come, but she was raised a Christian, and feels she owes it to her kids.

Their stories:

The man hasn't been to church in years, since he was a child, really, outside of getting married. His heart was recently moved by something he heard on the radio late one night while he drove the I-40 across New Mexico. That was two and a half weeks ago, but it made him cry while he drove that truck in the middle of the night, because he heard Jesus call to him, and he made a commitment to Jesus then and there to go to church, just as soon as he could whenever he got home. On his one weekend home in 5 weeks, he asked his wife to go with him to church, but she said no. He could have easily have decided that since she wouldn't go, he wouldn't either, but he kept his promise. He kissed his wife goodbye that Sunday morning, and answered the Lord's call. He drove to the church closest to his house, because he knew his wife resented him taking time away from her to go, and he didn't want to stay gone any longer than he had to.

He sat for a bit in the church parking lot, and watched as the congregation arrived, and focused his attention on the smiling, happy children, and didn't really notice the adults, who eyed him suspiciously sitting there in his car. Watching the kids, he remembered the times as a child that he'd gone to Sunday school, and learned the gospel from a sweet mother who wanted to serve the Lord and teach there. He had fond memories of coloring pictures of Jesus giving the Sermon on the mount, of rehearsing Psalms and learning the Lord's prayer. It was a warm day, so eventually, he had to get out of the car, and it was almost time for services to begin, so he walked up to the doors to the church. Most people were already inside, and it was his intention to sit in the rear of the church anyway.

He walked in, and one of the ushers nodded to him and motioned to the last seat in the back row of pews. He sat down, bowed his head in a short prayer of thanks to God for getting him in the door, and listened. He stood and sang hymns with the rest of the congregation, and listened intently to the pastor as he spoke. He remembered the sermon from his childhood...ask and ye shall receive, knock and the door shall be opened. A favorite of his childhood days. He remembered the big picture on the wall of his old church of Jesus knocking at an old looking wooden door. They sang a few more hymns, and after a prayer, the service was over. He stood, and walked to the door, and out into the bright sunlight in the parking lot. He got in his car, and drove home.

As he drove along the road back to his house, he thought it odd that only the usher had even acknowledged him, that no one had welcomed him, nor really said a word to him. When he got back to the house, his wife asked him how church had been, he answered, "Just like I remember it honey, just like when I went when I was a kid 40 years ago." I liked feeling like I was in the Lord's house, and I remember what it was like to love Jesus, I think I cried a little bit during one of the hymns. I remember the smells and sounds of church, the too much perfume on some women, the fancy dresses and some hats they wore, the little children, oh the little children, so much like I was then. I haven't been to church in so long. It kind of made me sad and a little homesick." "Well good." his wife said, and asked, "Are you going to go on your next home time, then, maybe I'll go with you?" He smiled a little, and with a sigh, said, "No honey. I'm not going to go. I'll be right here with you next time, there's no point in going, really, there's nothing for me there but memories. I kind of thought we might start to go again, but no. It's not the same anymore, it's just not the same."



That woman and her kids went to that church that one rare, sunny, and bright Easter Sunday morning, for the early service. She felt a little ashamed for only going to a church on Easter, having never been there before, but if she was ever going to start, it might as well be have been that morning. At least she knew, the kids would get the most important message they could on this Sunday, of all others. Of course, the kids didn't hear much. It was all she could do to keep them all quiet through the service. Five boys who didn't get why they were there in the first place did not share her sense of reverence. She noticed, sadly, that no one had had a word to say to her, or to them, just looking them over, noticing the kids had rather shabby shoes, and they were wearing jeans, of all things, with white shirts and ties. The mother wore a dress that was more cocktail dress than Sunday frock. When the services were over, she felt so uncomfortable, and no one still had anything to say. The kids stayed close to her, just looking at all the people talking and laughing amongst themselves. It was just a few minutes, but soon, she gave up, and had them practically marching, making a beeline for the car.

She piled them all in to the old Oldsmobile, and headed to the WigWam TeePee market to buy some Easter candy and baskets, while she had the kids wait in the car. They all went home, changed, and together, they dyed eggs in as many designs as they could imagine. Striped, half and half sideways, half and half end to end, blotches of color from crayons, stickers, you name it. Eventually, she woke up her husband, made him coffee, and the two of them hid the two dozen eggs out in the yard. Each child got one chocolate bunny and a cheap plastic basket, and they all hunted for the eggs until they'd found all 2 dozen. They had a wonderful time together that day after church, and every one of those kids will remember that weekend for the rest of their lives, but no one ever mentioned the reason for Easter, even after being at the church together.

They all just wanted to forget the experience, because all any of them could remember was feeling embarrassed, and a little ashamed, feeling their mother's anxiety. They tried not to think of it very much after that. Later that day, Dad took them all fishing down at the pier together, and the caught the biggest fish they'd ever seen. It was almost three feet long! That's what they remembered the most about that Easter Sunday.

The youngest did ask his mom, while they were dying eggs, "Why did we go to church this Easter Mom? I didn't really like it." "She looked out the window, held back her tears, and then looked at her husband, and said, "I don't know sweetie, I don't know. But, we're having a nice time now, aren't we?" He smiled and said, "Yes, momma, yes! I like my chocolate Easter bunny!" It was another 7 years before the middle child came home one night to tell his mother and father that he'd gotten saved, and 15 years before that mom ever set foot in another church. In the meantime, she and her husband did a lot of drinking, the kids went through drinking, and drugs, and every other kind of trouble they could find, and she and her husband nearly lost their marriage, more than once. They hung on, and all in all, they were a good family, everyone turned out OK eventually, but just barely. They all were eventually saved, all eventually found their way to other churches, but only because Jesus just loved them, and didn't care that they didn't have much money, or fine clothes. It was the faith that mother had, somewhere deep within her, that finally drew first the middle child, then all of the others, back to Jesus, to other churches, in other towns, in other places and times. It was hard for them, but God wanted that family, every last one of them.

Years later, one Sunday morning, one of those boys drove by that nice fancy yellow church he remembered from his childhood, and noticed it wasn't nearly as big as he'd remembered it, that the grass had grown up through the pavement in the parking lot, the pale yellow paint had peeled away on the south side of the building, and there weren't many cars in the parking lot. He just drove on, past the shabby old pink house they'd lived in so many years ago, and wondered how life might have been different for them had they ever gone back to that yellow church after that one Easter Sunday......but they never did.

Here's the Church, Here's the Steeple, Open the Doors, and See all the People..

That's the trouble, isn't it? They're all inside for the most part. Almost invisible. You almost have to go looking for them. I remember a time when you couldn't get away from them. Times were different then, I guess. If you ask people these days, ""Where are the Christians? Where are Jesus' people?" What will they say?

Would it be something like; "Oh, they are all downtown in the slum, making complete fools of themselves, singing, dancing around, talking to everyone who will listen about Jesus, cleaning up in the rough neighborhoods and vacant lots, painting storefronts, visiting senior citizens, taking around meals to shut ins, helping people fix up their houses. Why, there's whole groups of them, walking through bad neighborhoods, displacing gangs and drug dealers, hanging out in parks and on the streets downtown making music and witnessing to people who are curious.

They're just being publicly joyful, making joyful noises to the Lord, singing gospel songs together, laughing and talking, some are helping people get their lives together, some doctors and nurses are giving away free health screening services, some Christians from NA are talking to people about getting addiction counseling, or going to AA, some just drive around giving water and sandwiches to homeless people, a couple of big bouncer types are standing guard at night in the homeless shelters to help make them safer so people will use them, some are finding places for runaways to stay, making food and feeding the poor, some hippie types are running a little storefront to give away free clothes and shoes, most evenings and weekends there's even more of them, just hanging out in a park, making a welcome place to sit and have coffee and maybe talk if you want, during the week, there's some helping people with job hunting services, even paying a small wage to help some of the older folks in the neighborhoods and even in the church.

Some girls are providing a free day care center for homeless people so they can try to find a job, some guys with vans are running shuttles to the Department of Economic Security, the DMV, or the Social Security office. There are some guys on the weekends with tools, helping single mothers get their cars fixed so they can get to work. On Friday and Saturday nights a couple of times a month, they're putting on free concerts of gospel and Christian music, with choirs from churches all over the city, having prayer meetings and sometimes all out church services right out in the park, where anybody can find them, and be part of it if they want. Some of them are preaching and teaching, calling people to Christ, some of them are speaking in churches all over town recruiting young and old alike to come and help, to find a place to serve God, to go out and make a difference, you know same old thing you always see them doing. Bunch of dang fanatics!" Right?

Not really, not any more. Not for a long time. You might see some of them helping build a house or two with Habitat for Humanity, until Jimmy goes back to Georgia, you might see a few, maybe even several of them out on the street in front of Planned Parenthood, you see them advocating against same sex marriage during the run up to the latest proposition, protesting euthanasia, on a vigil at a death sentence being carried out, or at some republican politician's rally, you see them in the parking lots at their churches. you might see them in Denny's after church, and you might even be able to tell that some of them are Christians. You might see the Jehovah's Witnesses out walking through neighborhoods knocking on doors, young Mormon boys riding around on bikes doing more or less the same things. You might even see a few of them doing some of the more radical things I mentioned before, but you'd have a hard time finding them, if you didn't know where to look. I'm not saying nobody's doing anything, I'm saying MOST Christians are doing almost nothing anyone can see.

You might see a few working at soup kitchens and food banks, you might see some at Salvation Army, Catholic Charities, you might even see a few out on the street preaching and evangelizing, maybe a few passing out tracts, or slapping them on windshields. Mostly though, they look just like everybody else. You wouldn't know for sure really, and don't look to close to see what they are really up to, or watch how they act in traffic.....you wouldn't be impressed sometimes. There's nothing all that different about them, nothing that really sets them apart from the world they all live in, is there? There's the odd fish symbol, or a dove, maybe a sticker from their mega-church in the window, there might be a cross hanging from the mirror, maybe a few who visibly carry their bible around with them. At work, they mostly keep their heads down, although some manage to get on people's nerves, or act like a little Christian social clique. For work, I think that's probably OK....work is work and it's an unfair imposition there, yet, I'm afraid that's where you'll see most people trying to evangelize.....because there's no where else to do it.

It seems to be taken for granted that because we are a Christian country, and most of us are Christians, that you don't need to stand out, to be different than everyone else. You don't have to stand out. It's perfectly alright to blend in, not make waves. It's somewhere else that needs our attention, right? America's a Christian country, everything is just fine. No need to go all radical over Jesus...........is there? Maybe there is, maybe we should be out there being a pain in the neck to people. giving atheists and agnostics a place to argue, to try to talk us out of Jesus. Instead, what do we really have? Not much anyone can see.

Here's the Church, Here's the Steeple,
Open the Doors, and See all the People.

Otherwise...you really don't.


God bless and keep you,

James

Community Church....no REALLY!

You know, I wonder why you don't see too much of what I'd call community churches. I don't mean those mega churches with all the mod-cons for the affluent suburban Christian family. I mean churches that are in service, full time, in the parts of the community that should be the focus of Christian ministry. Why can't desperate young pregnant women find anywhere to go but to a dumpster to leave their unwanted, but still living babies? I know there are good, generous people and congregations out there who are doing what they can to help. My question is, in this country of 450,000 churches, is that the best we can do?

I hate to say it, but the small number of food banks, the occasional Salvation Army Mission, an occasional Catholic Charities, is about all you can actually find out there IF you happen to go to the hard parts of town. Most churches, I'm afraid (and I think they are too...maybe that's it.) are far from doing what I believe Jesus told us to be doing. I think too many churches are more concerned with their own comfort and convenience, with serving themselves, than they are with actually serving God by serving the poor and sick. What happened to us?

Where are we really putting the majority of our treasure and energy? Are the churches like the rich man, who wants to keep it all rather than giving it all to the poor? I'm afraid they are. At least most of them. Is it really all about cool worship music services, web sites, radio ministries, nice new buildings, new carpet, new padded pews, merchandising, sending money and people somewhere else besides where we are doing God's work, with our own hands, our own hearts, our own selves? Sadly, I think so, especially now, when it could be so very different. With so many people hurting, and so much work for us to be doing, I wonder whether our energies are going where they should be. Seems to me there's plenty of energy for politics, plenty for the latest Christian pop-psychology CDs, for the latest Pearl Jam with Christian lyrics cover band that won't play for free anywhere, but not nearly as much of our time, energy, tears, blood, courage, and sweat for our ministry, right here in our own cities and towns. At least, not as much as there SHOULD be, for a half a million churches, and so many people hurting.

There was a time when the Christian community got busy, and they weren't anywhere as needed as they are now. They WORKED, and they got visible in these communities. They drew attention to themselves, to Jesus. There were coffee shops, impromptu worship music in the parks, Christian concerts that didn't cost $30 bucks a head to get into, just a bunch of folks out at the fairgrounds, or in a community bandshell or park somewhere some night, some afternoon, a couple of times or so a month. Nothing spent, any more than the cost of a permit, and plenty of gospel choirs, bluegrass and Christian rock musicians making music for the glory of God, not making albums for the glory of Christian radio, or selling CDs. It wasn't strange at all to see that sort of thing. once upon a time.

There were food banks, food kitchens, clothing stores with names like Joseph's Coat, Christian coffee shops, too many street preachers and witnessing neophytes all on fire for the Lord, even if they didn't have a clue what they were talking about. Christian newspapers, you name it. It's all quiet now. It's all out in the burbs, or in some strip mall church very few people ever notice. I honked my horn a short beep or two and waved as I drove by a small church when it was getting out last Sunday, smiling. I didn't shout, since I figured I wouldn't be understood. Nobody even so much as waved back, hardly even looked up. I guess enthusiasm and excitement like that doesn't fit in too well any more. It looks like the whole church went to sleep, or went suburban. You know, people show up, the doors close, everybody leaves, the doors close, lights out.

No noise. No fire. No music. No heat. No love. No action. No converts. No river baptisms. No growth. No nothing. No wonder. Got any plans besides your own vacation this summer?

God bless and keep you.

James

Our Lady of Perplexed Incredulity

This journey has been less than spectacular in most ways, plodding along carrying the same old prejudices and preconceptions I've always had, still rebellious against the restrictions, angry, railing against the problems with 'churched' people and denominations, still upset about the perceived evils and errors in thinking I see in people who claim to be Christian.

Some of the people that I've argued and interacted with in the last year or so may have perceived (maybe this is wishful thinking) that I've grown quite a bit lately. If I have, I owe much of that growth to them, and I'm grateful for the impact they've had. I have certainly turned a corner, finding grace and joy at every turn all of a sudden. I am by no means finished, perfected, or "fully formed" as a newly dedicated Christian at this point. I am merely at the beginning, even after 40 years of being a believer. I've moved a long, long way from the time I began having these conversations on line and elsewhere. I find it hard to capture and characterize the changes, although I could probably produce a list. That list would not capture the sum total of the effects on my life, and that of my family, and what I see as our new future. I'm still at an uncustomary loss for words to describe all of this, but the change is almost monumental, even now. A different life entirely lays ahead for us than what might have.

Prelude aside, and to the point of this post; Recently, I've felt led, almost directly spoken to and educated by a series of "odd circumstances and conversations." From the direction of inquiry and almost single minded focus on specific areas of study, I've been given what I can only think of as perfect and timely responses in the form of peculiar dreams, particular teachings, and pointed examples and witness that have come as specific and definitive answers to my many inquiries and prayers. Not once, for a few hours or days, or on occasion, but sustained over months, and on the increase for weeks now, like a crescendo of insight and change. And no, to answer those who read that as just I did and thought..is this guy manic and about to come crashing to the ground? No, I'm quite sane. A crazy person would actually think God was at work in all this.

Through this process, I've experienced what I can only describe as an increasingly more urgent calling, or leading of the Spirit in a specific direction, teaching probably, ministry maybe, and maybe both. I've had the luxury of spending a LOT of time in the intellectual pursuit of understanding as much of the various soteriologies, confessions of faith, mission and values statements as I could possibly ingest, comprehend, and stand to read without my head exploding from taking in too much at once. This has only begun, as I will be studying formally, and in earnest pretty soon. I've found my long held beliefs in and among many of them, and have found some disagreements and concerns with and about some of them.

I've been angered, perplexed, and left incredulous by some of the things I'll have to release to God in order to follow Him. I've come to understand what a lot of things I've taken for granted actually mean, and gained some insight into how these ideas are related and have been developed. Some things are as small as differences in form, some that have seemed to me completely wrong and are clearly NOT what I believe, some that are confusing to unwind and differentiate. Some which look to me as though they stand firmly in the midst of the path I'm being called to follow. I'm sure all of that is a function of my own lack of religious education, and under-developed faith. The specifics are, for this conversation, immaterial, and probably a distraction from the main point.

The real point is the personal miracle of transformation from a merely intellectually wayward, "liberal", and semi-biblical thinking, distracted, semi part time, non-committed sort of believer, to a truly committed disciple of Christ. I know for sure, based on what's happened over my life, and what IS in my life, that I'm saved, baptized, and spirit filled. All that's a no brainer. What has come into focus so unexpectedly is the apparent demand that I commit myself to a specific church or body of believers and answer that insistent and demanding calling to service. If I were inclined to practice an amorphous kind of "mere Christianity", it would be fine to stay right where I am. Basically, to find a nice, simple, non-denominational place to fellowship and worship, and to keep learning as my passions and interests lead me. But that's not what I'm about or being led to do. Dang it.

The question for me has become; If, as I believe, I am being called, and if I am to commit the remainder and the totality of my life in service to God; then where, let alone how, shall I do that? One Kentucky dairy farmer with whom I am in fellowship hit the nail on the head when he mentioned that I seem to be up against a decision that will define my path and mission. I am nearly there. I can certainly begin the process in a general direction, without making any final decisions about the end point, but it would, I think, be better to know which path to walk before I set off in no particular direction. Ya know?

So, rather than calling yesterdays experience a test, I suppose it was an experiment. I went to one of the places, really THE place I had been feeling led to go. Without getting into denominational considerations and all, let's just say it was the least likely of all possible directions I would have predicted. Thus my resistance and reservation, I read, and listened, and sought out all the information I could find, and still am doing that. I waited with the idea in mind for days and in my dreams until I couldn't wait any more, and made the decision to just go.

I got a highly pointed, totally "coincidental" communication when I was on my way to the place. I prayed on the way, I prayed in the car when I got there and sat on the street out front. I didn't care who saw me, or who heard me. Several did, I suppose, but I didn't care. All told, I spent almost an hour in prayer, the last 15 minutes or so in deep contemplation and meditation on the question of service and commitment to God. I got out of the car, walked in to the chapel, and sat down. It wasn't expected, but when I went in, there were about 50 children there, practicing their little presentation for Easter services. I listened, and I prayed, I wept, and I got more and more of what I can only call "instruction". What's even more miraculous, I got healing. Right there, right then, without even asking for it, I was healed. I can't account for it in any other way. Quite simply, the healing occurred and I am relieved of it, forever.

Without going into detail, I walked away from there with what I can only describe as complete and permanent freedom from a burden that has hung around my neck for 40 years or so. All I was asked to do was claim it and testify to it. I'm claiming that victory, and I am rejoicing in it. It has perfectly blessed everyone I've mentioned it to since. Oh, by the way, I am completely free to express my faith and belief to ANYONE, at anytime, and in each case, it has been perfect. Not by my hand, I assure you, but by God's hand. It's been over twenty four hours now, and I know today that the Lord has taken that burden from me, entirely, completely, and forever. Hallelujah.

Now, it's all I can do to not think He expects something in return. I shouldn't worry, all He wants is the rest of my life, all my heart, mind, and spirit in service to Him, in a specific, structured, and committed way. No sweat. LOL

God bless and keep you,

James

Right Brain Faith, Left Brain Religion

The ordinary worldlings are easily perturbable or easily agitated because they utilize the function of the left brain and neglect the usage of the right brain. The left brain is noisy and spiritually ignorant; the right brain is appeased, or nirvanic. and is insightfully wise. A sage or saint is a gnostic or 'discerning one' because he or she is adept at utilizing the right brain functioning to unlock the gate to the world of spiritual or mystical wisdom. Spiritual or mystical wisdom rectifies the human mind, improves, enhances and even perfects human character formation. This is the pragmatic value of spiritualism or mysticism regulating fallible mundane life.

Wong Weng, Buddhist monk.

I've been contemplating the premise that the truth of the bible and the Christian experience does not live in the left brained, theologically outlined and unassailable, cross-referenced texts and scriptural references, proven and substantiated in support of the doctrines of men. Faith and the spiritual experience isn't intellectual, or 'left brained' at all, and when it tries to constrain it that way, it fails. It may even be that the experience of God is only fully grasped as an expression of the more deeply felt, and then shared, 'right brain' experience. In the former, mere religion is expressed. I would add that the hierarchy of regional, national, or international church denominations are the exact WRONG expression of faith and spirituality that comes out of the 'left brain' experience. So, it is much more than mere thought, but the function of both sides of the brain, the left being fully integrated with the right-brained, wholistic, kinetic, visual, abstract, metaphorical, imaged, and natural experience in order to be complete.

Not ignoring spirit and soul, or heart, but to simplify the distinction, isn't it perhaps there, in the right brain experience, that our deepest agreement in the expression of the Spirit of God within us is felt, where our experience is unencumbered by intellectual interference? It may be that this is where, in worship, prayer, communion, in relationship, that we experience it not just as thinkers, but as right brained and expressive humans first (ONE thing we all have completely in common), then as integrated right/left brained individuals, and finally, in fellowship, as groups, and as the body of Christ, more powerfully related because of the deeper, shared experience and understanding. Ignore, or emphasize one side of the brain or one of the steps too much, and you get chaos.....or denominations....or whatever.

Take the word water as an example of how this might work, both in experience, and in the scriptures. Left brained: H2O, Hydrogen and Oxygen in liquid form, a solvent, necessary to sustain life on earth. Doesn't quite capture the human experience of water, does it? Certainly not the deep "mystical" experience of the indwelling Spirit. In the bible though, how many times and ways is the word used, and how many ways is it interpreted, used as an analogy to point to deeper truth, in parables and in simple statements? A LOT, right? As humans, we may agree on the scientific explanation of water, but we all have the same experience, even a pre-conscious experience of water. It is, after all, other than dust, what we're made of. That may be why it is so often used, and so effective and exemplary in our faith.

We all share it, it's universal to humans. Our experience of it is identical, in our feelings about it, our enjoyment of it, our fear of it, on and on in our imaginations and in our images, even if our verbal descriptions of it differ. When it's used in metaphor, even in different contexts, we all bring our basic human, and common experience of it, (refreshing, renewing, relieving, maybe even dangerous, etc.) to the metaphor or analogy and we understand the reference on a much deeper level than purely analytical, but in a primal, and natural way. Our deep knowing of water, and of other shared images and "feelings" in humanness, say much more to us in non-verbal form than just the words we read and say. While it's perhaps not as easily shared, it is much more universal as an experience. Just try describe the moment a person dives into cool water from a hot arid beach to someone who's never experienced it. Some may find ways to do it, but nothing they say could be more effective to communicate it than just diving in.

Maybe that's why it makes such a powerful metaphor in the bible, and why it figures so prominently in our rituals and references. So much of what Christians experience is actually in common in spite of apparent differences in form. It seems to me that there is so much in the experience of it that is common on a right brained, image and feeling basis, that the left brained explanations, the words are almost not necessary, and in fact, are where the most complicated of traps lie.

So, how would all that manifest itself? It would be too easy to just call that normal fellowship and say...."oh well, it's obvious, you just need to put your butt in a pew and be in fellowship." I think it goes well beyond a church community, a body of believers, or even a "movement", to the truest expression of the body of Christ. I think that in a powerful way, it goes to our authentic and integrated expression of the Kingdom of God.

Suffice to say, I've got lots more on this to think and pray about, myself. Just ignore the crazy person........


God Bless and Keep You,

James

New Additions

I've posted a couple of new pages, just in case you're interested.

The Spirits of Summer is the draft manuscript of my in-progress short story/novella, published under my pen name, J. Thomas VanSwearingen.

The other, just one for now, with more to follow is titled in such a way that the titles alone should carry fair warning in and of themselves. These are old criticisms of mine at best, more often angry diatribes, full of vitriol, often little more than angry spitballs at worst. Understand that these came from a man who had no idea that his protests and attacks were leading him back humbly, to his faith. I'm not proud of some of the thinking in these, but I own it, and it is instructional, even if only to me. Though I would now disavow, or at least, "rephrase or re-frame" most of these, if not all, I think at least for now, it has its place.

God Bless and keep you,

James

The Selection Process

So, I'm doing a few google searches for erudite and thoughtful input on some doctrinal questions, and run into and start reading a certain pastor's extensive blogs. I'm thinking to myself that I'm liking a lot of his ideas. He seems well read, certainly well schooled. Some of it's right in line with my own thinking on some pretty important issues. So, not bad at all, it's mostly scriptural, lots of integrity in evidence, and I agree with much, if not perhaps all of what I see there, and some of it is pretty thought provoking. At first, I thought it was a larger local church, and kept reading anyway, even though I'm no fan of horizontal marketing and mega churches.

So, I share a few of the things I'm reading in the blog with my wife, and she asks me...so, where are they? I look under the locations tab on the website, and I see that they've planted churches all over the place, and wow...even two here in our state! So I'm thinking...cool. Where are they?

Smack dab In the two most ridiculously affluent communities in the state. Talk about effective church planting! Now when I say affluent....I MEAN affluent, and in this state, that means something. I think, well, given this guy's preaching, that doesn't have to be a bad thing....and I read the tab called something like: "How do I become a Member?" Wherein I read the following:

1. Attend services regularly. Of course.
2. Go to a social event with the pastors. OK, kind of a cool idea.
3. Attend a 3 part seminar series given several times per year, so I can understand what it means to be a follower of Jesus, the history of this particular church, the requirements of discipleship, the government of the church, baptism, and membership commitments. Really? Is there a final exam?
4. Then, once "graduated" join a small group, and serve in one of the church ministries. Mandatory?
5. Fill out a membership application. Do you want my salary history?
6. Attend a Membership Interview Should I bring my resume? I guess this is where I get my grade.
   
7. Post my name on the bulletin for two weeks and await any objections by any member of the church. If there are none....Gosh.. I hope they all LIKE me!!
8. Get "officially" welcomed to the Church Membership during the next Sunday service. Is that during both the early AND late services, or only one? Do you you prefer automatic payroll deductions or just my American Express Platinum Card? I mean just to save everyone time...I brought my bank statement and a blank check to start the process...this week, I don't know what I was thinking, I have.....sorry, cash.
   

Somehow, I think discernment isn't the issue for me here. I'm guessing I can probably even GET the job. I've been through tougher employment processes before, and gotten the high paying big guy, big bucks job. I know can do it! Still, there's this nagging question...........are we talking about the Kingdom of God, or the Kingdom of Man?

I'm just sayin'. ;) names have been intentionally avoided to protect the ludicrous.

Arrival and Departure

Today begins a journey, that is at once both an arrival, and a departure. It's a journey that many men probably take, one of maturation, of actually being and speaking the man we've always known ourselves to be, but have for a thousand reasons, allowed ourselves to subjugate to any number of priorities, exigencies, needs, and desires. You know the ones I mean; career, women, children, money, time, power, ambition, disbelief, rebellion, anger, pain......in short, life. It often gets in the way of becoming our truest selves.

It's said commonly that life is what happens to you while you're making other plans. What that goofy platitude says to me today, is that each moment, maybe even each thought, or at least some of our thoughts, are worth capturing, worth considering, worth sharing, in more than a passing way. Perhaps it's maturity that gives a man a chance to consider, to think more deeply, to stop the need to hide oneself from others, and to hide ourselves, from ourselves. So, no more hiding.

This day is a departure. It's the day I departed from the lost and lonely shores of doubt and distrust. Today, I departed from the little boat filled with an almost lost soul who, finally no longer listening to himself not wanting to fully believe, departed from arguing, against himself, against the possibility of miracles, against the promises of God, and stepped off that pitiful little boat full of holes, and now, finally back on land for a while, has departed from the sand I'd dug my heels into against Him.

This day was also an arrival. I am here now, on the shores of acceptance, beginning to take the first small steps in the most important journey of my life. It is the moment in which I fully realized that there is no real hope without Jesus as the center of my life. I've always had this stupid boat full of "important", "reasonable", "well considered", "highly informed" and "rational" reasons for staying at arms length from my faith. Keeping a knowledge of God in the back of my mind, shielding my heart from Him. I've spent untold hours over the years in this little boat, at first, thinking, and having proof it was a good, solid boat, worthy of any voyage I chose to take. I trusted that boat, and loved it for all I was worth.

One day, not all that long ago, I looked around and noticed I wasn't alone in that boat. I was there, of course, but so is my wife, and our 7 year old daughter. When I realized that I was really not alone in that boat, and that these two beautiful people were there with me, and I had led them into dangerous water, in a boat that wasn't nearly so worthy a vessel as I'd believed and pretended. I began then trying to plug the holes, began and continued arguing against the winds that always seemed to be blowing the wrong way, complaining about the height and might of the waves, or, another time, the stillness of the wind, the lack of what I needed, what they needed. There were no fish, no supplies, no nothing in that boat, just the three of us in scarcely a shell of a boat, and its sails were empty.

I guess a year or so ago, I found a place where I could begin to vent some of those questions, some angry and frightened, some hopeful and believing thoughts and feelings with other Christians. That happened on the internet, oddly enough, I suppose I kind of treated it like a church where nobody knew me, so I could say what I wanted to say, ask what I wanted to ask, pontificate at will. (I like that pontificating, as you'll no doubt see in time.) It's been an interesting time in conversation with those people, Christian and non-Christian alike. There, I'm sure I've been a thorn in their sides, a "holy terror" you might say. Sometimes, creating division, and disturbance, and arguments, sometimes provoking thought, sometimes making an ass of myself. Finally, through the love and grace of a number of really wonderful and caring Christian people who've tolerated me for months now on that site, as well as through my own searching and praying, and prayers of those who care, I've finally turned the corner. I wondered if I ever would.

All of this started a new conversation with my wife, one in which we began to find a way to talk to each other about faith, about belief, and why we'd both been away from the Lord for so long. About what had gone wrong, how unsafe life feels, how little we have, how much we are missing because of my stubbornness and lack of faith. I had to realize that she had simply climbed into my unsafe little boat, right along with me, wherever I was going, she all full of love, faith, and trusting that somehow, I'd get us there. I'm afraid at the time she came into my life, that appearances were deceiving, and she had no idea how out of control, how underpowered, how fruitless that boat had become from that moment forward. Now, she knows. She's watching me, waiting for what's next.

I'll admit it. I've been too proud to ask for help, too proud to admit that I couldn't, and hadn't done it on my own. I've put up a good front, always looking like the captain of my own ship, self propelled, in control, knowing my direction, my destination, and how I would manage it. An apparent captain, merely challenged, not lost, not adrift, not clueless, but it's been a lie. A lie I told myself, told her. I've been too ashamed of not making it.....on my own. A lot of things have happened in the last couple of years, not least of which was a short scare, when Donna had to go to the hospital, As it turned out, everything is OK, but she's had to make some changes in lifestyle. Those changes were, I can now see, the beginning of everything that's come since. We wound up with some hospital debts, and we'll be ok, I know we'll find a way to pay them off, slowly maybe...but we'll get it done. That's not really the point though.....what I've seen is a new course, a new way to go. I see that my daughter lacks the things I ought to be giving her, the life I promised her from the moment she was born while I held her in my arms when her momma was knocked out on the operating table after her C-section. I'm going to keep that promise.

These are only some of the important reasons to make this trip.....and today is both the day of departure, and the day of arrival. All in the moment this morning, when I finally gave up the boat, departed those uncertain waters, and began my walk on solid ground in earnest, not on my own, not in my own direction, but with God leading me where He will have me go.

So, I'll probably be talking more later, about what happened today, and what happens next, the first results of a long difficult night that resulted in this new beginning, this new day, this that can only be described as my surrender to God. I'll also be back-posting some of the writings that will help explain how I thankfully came to be HERE, NOW.

God bless and keep you.

James